Dearest Alina

June 2012

Dearest Alina,

It seems impossible that I attended your kindergarten graduation today, when it feels as if I just walked you across the crosswalk in front of the big, new Manse building and nervously sat with you on the cement walls, awaiting your first day in Ms. Mills’ class.   It is truly incredible what has happened in this short, one year. 

Your performance today was entertaining to say the least, as you forced people to watch you while you intertwined your ballet moves with the practiced moves to the songs you sang.  I spent half of my time in the audience laughing and signing to you to “knock it off.”  You didn’t; however, as you were probably sure I thought you were hilarious as I could not wipe the smile from my face. 

Some of the highlights of the year were when you came home and told us you were in love with Chase, and then you kept dedicating your books to him.  You cried on the last day of school prior to Christmas break, because you were going to miss Ms. Mills.  Probably the biggest highlight, however, was when you came home and read your first book to us, and then kept reading and reading and reading.  A not-so-fun highlight was when you missed your class Easter egg hunt, because you were running 103 temperature and got caught right before getting out the doors as you tried to hang in there. 

You went into kindergarten as an independent, intelligent, kind girl.  I was sure that you would be successful, as you like to please people and you gravitate toward adults; however, I had no idea that you would make the strides you made.  To say I’m proud doesn’t cover the delight and pride that I feel when I think of you.  You exceeded the national average in every area from writing (love, love!) to math.  Additionally, you made friends, helped others, and warmed Ms. Mills’ days and heart with your willingness to help and kindness toward others’.

You are simply an amazing young girl that inspires me to be a better person every day.  You are patient with your brother and willing to give chances when they might not be warranted; while you nurture your sister.  You are smitten for your papa, as he is for you, and are his shadow at every given opportunity.  You love red enchiladas and nachos, the hotter the better with a tall glass of milk.  You are simply growing into an amazing, young girl, and the best part is that you are ours’. 

Mommy and Daddy thank God for you every day.  First grade is coming soon, whether we are ready, or not, but we are excited for the adventures.  Thank you for embracing school and learning, and for being a kind, generous, loving little girl that brings a piece of heaven to us every day. 

I love you. 

Love Always,

Mommy

Let Summer Begin!

Moments of Joy in the Kitchen

If You Were Here

Every day, I think of you. Most days, I think of how you actually accomplished whatever priority I’m trying to tackle and how you always seemed to do it with grace.


If you were here this past week, I would have talked your ear off. I probably would have laughed with you, and I certainly would have cried with you. Or, to you at least. On any given day it seems I wonder how you got through a lot of what you did, but last week I needed the advice on children, work, life. I was sensitive, and clueless; at least it felt that way.

I wish I could have shared my kids with you.

Alina is such a lover. A pleaser. She is quite sassy though. I imagine if you were here watching her grow, you would have many stories of how I did the exact same thing, or gave the same attitude (or sass). I imagine it won’t be long and I will be asking her if she plans to “build a porch for that swing” or redirecting her back to the bathroom to make her make-up presentable. She asks a lot of questions. She is intrigued and wants to learn. She loves her teacher, as I always loved mine. She melts my heart. I adore her; if you were here, you would too.

Aydon is all boy. Some days he reminds me of Nick with his persistence and ability to hold on to his convictions. He likes to climb, and fight, and wrestle… and test…me. He has the cutest voice and smile. He literally lights up when the smile appears. He loves to be complimented. Pour the sugar on with Aydon, and he melts. He would have been your little lover. If you were here, he would cling to you like glue. My heart hurts thinking of the bond the two of you would have certainly had.

Then, sweet Olivia. It’s hard to say how she will be later, but for now, she’s simply sweet. She tracks where Mommy is, what she is doing, and is always quick to throw her arms out, saying “Come to me!” If you were here, you probably wouldn’t want to put her down. She would probably be as eager to see you, as she is to see me. She laughs only for Aydon, as he is the silliest, and she lets Alina carry her and jostle her, until Mommy says stop. She has big, brown eyes that demand attention and her smile truly brings happiness.

With Alina, I worry about her self-esteem. She already compares herself and feels sad if you pour the praise on Aydon and she is not included. She has a competitive spirit, and wants to excel. While this makes me happy, it also makes me fear for her contentment. With Aydon, I simply need to have patience. I truly don’t understand tantrums over ridiculous things that we can’t control, or do not even need to. If you were here, I know you would have valuable advice and would certainly walk me through it. Last week, I needed the advice. The good news is after he gets through the tantrum, he wants loves. I’m always up for that. With Olivia, I didn’t have a personality issue that needed advice, but instead, a condition. Nothing stresses me out more than having a baby with a condition. A slight fever, a strange cough, a funky pink neck…That was it. A yucky, pink neck that grossed me out and made her scream when touched. Surely you would have had the answer right away. Instead, I had to go to Dr. Google, and when that didn’t work, Dr. Blank.

When you get past all of the kid challenges and my desire for your presence, it doesn’t end. I have work questions and life questions and relationship questions…and, more questions. If you were here you would know the personalities of my co-workers, Armando and I’s quirks, my favorite weekend past times (which haven’t changed much), all my educational philosophies, my plans for parties and gifts for special people, etc. You would know everything, because I would call you or see you… and, simply enjoy you.

If you were here, I feel like I would be that much smarter. I would have more answers. If you were here, so many of these things…issues, situations, etc., would be different. Because life would have been different, if you were still here.

Beginning a fourth year in Halloween style

I love the reflecting that birthday's force me into.  I love to look back at pictures and days and milestones and see where my children have been and where they are headed.  I love to hope for them and guide them, and simply watch them embrace their experiences with excitement and love.  And, although most of the time I am pretty positive in my reflecting, I have to admit the three's for Aydon were a rough year in some ways.

This year is particularly "interesting" for Aydon, as he has been my most difficult child in terms of stubbornness and throwing tantrums/fits, etc.  It could be that he is a boy.  Or, that he's three (now four), and I sometimes expect that he should act like Alina (who's five).  It could be my own lack of patience, and/or lack of understanding of what the "norm" is.  There are many, many reasons that this "could be."

What is funny to me in my reflecting of Aydon's fourth birthday, is that the day represented Aydon's third year.  He had an amazing birthday party, surrounded by family and friends.  For the most part, he embraced every moment, enjoying that everyone was there for him.  However, he had two moments of frustration/tantrums that sent him to time out.  As a Mom that planned an amazing party for her little man, it was so frustrating to have to deal with his moments of discontent; however, while discussing this with Daddy later, it really just is him.  And while my frustration overcomes me at those moments, I also can see that he is so much more than tantrums.  :)

He is passionate and full of energy.  He loves to be told how amazing and sweet he is.  (He melts when I sing, "You are my Sunshine" to him.)  He is happy to help others, even if it can be a bit overwhelming.  :)  He loves candy and will eat as much as he can get a way with.  He simply can't have a drink without spilling and/or anything really without making an absolute mess.  (Why we say, "You can only have this if you don't make a mess.", simply doesn't make any sense.)  He is competitive and driven, and that is already so evident.  He made milestones this year, from his amazing vocabulary to riding his bike without training wheels.  He loves to cuddle and wants a book (or two, or three) read to him every night.  He is obsessed with flossing, and thinks that tooth paste is paint.  He adores his Papa and Grammie and became best buds with his cousin, Xander, this year.  He loves bugs and dirt and to chase the cat/dogs just because he can.

Ultimately,  he is our boy.  And, although he has tested me so much this year, I realize, that is his job.  (And, maybe I have some growing to do in my 30's.)  He's a three-year-old, now 4!, boy and he is an amazing "package deal" - good, bad and indifferent.  While he tests my parenting skills and forces me to ask "what is normal?", along with reading many, many parenting books - he is an absolute joy in our life, who makes me happy to be his Mommy.  Here is to Year #4 and all that it has to offer!

Another Milestone: Kindergarten

There are moments in life that are formed long before they happen, as we witness others experience them, we see them on television, and we create the moment in our head.  Everything in parenting is kind of/sort of that way, but the day Alina walked across the parking lot at Manse Elementary, I especially felt this way. 

So many people had said that they cried.  Honestly, I didn't feel that I would cry.  She was more than prepared, and was ecstatic to be going.  It really wasn't the idea of her starting school and/or attending class, but instead, the fact that my baby is 5-years-old.  With my brother, who is seven years younger than me, it felt as if once he was five, that the time flew.  I'm worried that the same will be true for my little girl and that I will constantly be asking the question, "Where has the time gone?" 

For her first day of kindergarten, Alina picked her own outfit, laid it out the night before, jumped up early in the morning to get ready and talked all the way to school about the unknowns.  I stressed a little bit about getting her there on time (with managing dropping off her sister and brother at different locations first), and then getting to work on time, but of course, it all worked out.  We even had time to stop off at the local coffee shop first for some much needed coffee, and hot chocolate.

Once we were at school, Alina had no problem getting to her class and greeting her teachers/ new friends, and old.  She walked into school as if she had been going for a year and was excited/ready to learn.  I hung back for a few minutes and took pictures, and then decided it was probably time for me to leave.  There were moms with their little one's clinging to their legs, like on the movies, and there were mom's with tears in their eyes.  I wasn't dealing with either of those issues as I beamed with pride at the sight of my little girl playing on the abc's mat with her friends.  I quickly gave her a kiss and a hug, and then left the room to get to work on time.  As I walked out of Manse Elementary School the tears crept up on me and slid down my face.  Finally, all those things people had said about "their baby going to kindergarten" had hit me.  My little girl was no longer an infant, or a toddler.  She is a school-aged girl.  She is embracing one new beginning of her future that will lead to so many more.  I didn't bawl in my car, or go hysterical, I simply cried a few tears representing the beautiful past we have had and the new journey of the future.

Alina ready to embrace the day, along with her silly brother making an appearance.  :)  

Spending some quality time with Mommy before the day began.  

Taking in everything around her.  I adore this picture.  

Ms. Mills and Alina.  What a beautiful task laid before her - to help encourage, teach and "grow" these little people.  

Beginning the day with fun time, playing with friends.  :)  

Sept. 1, 2011