I Remember

"In recognition of September 11th, the phrases “Never forget” and/or “I remember” are popular to depict or to portray people’s sincere sadness for the events of that day, as well as the bravery of the men and women that stood up against evil forces for the safety/betterment for others.

While reading posts on Facebook along those lines, as well as hearing various captions on the news, it dawned on me that in life there are so many circumstances where one may udder the words “I’ll never forget,” and yet that fleeting thought is gone before it can be comprehended, as our crazy world always seems to take precedence. There have been many moments in my life where I have vowed to not forget the emotion or experience, so that I am a better person and/or keep my priorities straight, and yet on a day-to-day basis I do not remember after all.

For example, I graduated as valedictorian of my high school. Driven and dedicated to learning, I deserved the honors. Yet, at moments in my life I have let the system beat me down and make me feel as if I am no brighter than the next person. I forget.

Or, the day I found out I had lost my mother. The dearest person in my life was gone. Experiencing loss for the first time, my heart gripped on to those that I still had. At that moment I felt that I would treat every pivotal person in my life, as if they would be gone tomorrow… but sometimes, I forget.

I think of the first days of falling in love with my husband. Days of waiting for the phone to ring, or seeing him – whether it be a transitory moment on the way to class, or an evening spent talking – or a bouquet of flowers waiting on my desk, every moment filled with exhilaration. Anticipation at any opportunity to be together with love filling the air. Then came a wedding, professing our love, then children to share our immense love with, a house, careers, bills, obligations, etc. While I still love him more than ever, my delivery of showing my love has changed immensely, as so often we are "keeping up". While I don’t ever forget our love, sometimes I forget its beginnings.

And, while I haven’t forgotten the dates of my children’s birth and/or how much they weighed, time of day, etc., I forget little things. Little moments, how truly small they were, how we laid around and giggled over nothing, how elated Armando and I were when both of our children arrived, how saddened we were when Aydon had to sleep in the NICU instead of with us… And while I am blessed because I can recall these things, I also want them to be at the front of my mind, so that they are reflected in my being and how I live and treat them everyday. And yet, sometimes the moment takes over, and I forget.

I truly could ramble about the things that I forget. Not because they are unimportant to me, but instead, because life is like a carnival. There are moments when you are looking over the park with faces aglow, other moments where you’re dragging two kids to the car as they’ve had enough, and moments where you simply enjoy the company of those around you. There’s good, there’s bad, but each moment has something special to offer. And those moments, combined, equal your life.

Even though this blog was started in September and I’m finishing it in November, I still am going to remember to remember. Life truly is a blessing and we let the to-do list, agenda, calendar and other obligations get in our way, but in the end, will those things matter, or the things we should have truly remembered?