Now you see it! Now you don't!

The milestones this month just keep coming!  :)  Just a few days ago, Alina was talking to me and I noticed another tooth in her mouth behind her baby tooth.  I panicked and called the dentist, wondering if I should bring her in.  They said it is completely normal, as long as the baby tooth is loose.  Indeed, it was!

I had purchased carrots and apples for Alina to coax the tooth out on her own, but she was a bit skittish, as she could feel the tooth loosen and didn't like the feeling.  I didn't worry about it, as I figured, it would happen on its own.

Yesterday morning she came to me and asked me to feel her tooth.  It was SERIOUSLY loose now!  She explained to me that she tried to open the milk with her teeth, and it made it loose!  I asked her if I could just take it out and at first she said no, but then she obliged.  I pulled her tooth out and she was elated, as she said that she heard that the tooth fairy pays well on the first visit!  :)

That night she told me that she was going to wash her tooth as there was blood on it.  I told her not to and that it could be lost down the drain.  Indeed, she didn't listen and washed her tooth...down the drain.  She immediately ran to her room and cried and cried.  I didn't tell her "I told you so", as she was already visibly upset.  Instead, Daddy explained to her that she can write the tooth fairy a letter, and she will understand.  While Alina told me what to write to the tooth fairy, Armando went and fished the tooth out of the drain!  Truly Alina's hero, she almost cried when he showed her her tooth again.  Little does she know that was more for me, than for her.  ;)

The tooth then made its way safely under Alina's pillow where the tooth fairy replaced it with five whole dollars!  This certainly isn't how much every tooth is worth; however, the first one is a big deal, according to Alina (and Caillou, I guess).

Days of Reflection

Maybe this reflection has come on so strongly because I am hormonal, having just given birth to my third child.  Maybe it's that I spent 12 days nurturing my little girl in the NICU, while missing my other two children and watching other families suffer the same way...  Maybe I'm simply watching too many news stories with heart wrenching punchlines...  Maybe it's the fear of losing my job...again...  Maybe it's the pressure I feel to deliver a perfect graduation speech to students just beginning their lives, knowing that they won't (can't) truly hear what I have to say...  Maybe it's the fact that I celebrated my 8th wedding anniversary with my husband yesterday and am amazed at the journey we have already been on, both joyous and heartbreaking... 

I love the idea of holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc.  Honestly, I spend most of my days reflecting on life, but love that we have specific days to help remind us of the beauty of our lives and the people in them.

Yesterday wasn't a typical "anniversary" day, as we had two doctor appointments for Olivia in Las Vegas, so we were up at 5 a.m. and out the door by 7 a.m. Needless to say with three children 5 and under, getting out of the house is not a small task, and then waiting in doctor's offices is not their idea of fun.  We then grabbed lunch on the road and rushed back to Pahrump to register Alina for kindergarten and get Daddy back to work in time for a meeting and his after school program.  Then, it was nap time and up and back out the door to pick up Daddy and get to Alina's t-ball game.  Sadly, I have to admit that I wasn't the nicest person through each transition, as I get overworked over appointments and times, and bickering in the car over nothing,  etc.  Once we got home, we trudged through the nightly routine and put the kids to bed.  Then, I went to bed and fell quickly asleep. 

Olivia woke me up at 12:30 a.m. and that is when the true reflection began.  Maybe with the help of the news, the sweet little girl in my arms, the sleeping husband next to me, the "to do" list running through my brain, etc. I was swept away to a place of gratitude.  Yes, our anniversary day was overshadowed by appointments and running and schedules, but it's our life.  It's the life we have chosen together, and most importantly it's a life filled with the love and laughter of three amazing children that we have the privilege of showing the beauty of life to.  With all the chaos going on around us, it's worth taking a moment to reflect and see that we are blessed to have the errands to run, with the means to run them, and to be doing it together. 

I am so thankful for eight years of marriage to a wonderful man; I am thankful for the day to reflect and remember our journey; and I am thankful for every milestone that has brought us to this day and look forward to those to come.

Olivia Grace Veloz

Perceptions

A journey to say the least.  That's definitely what we have been on in the last three weeks, as Olivia knew she wanted out, although the doctor's wanted to keep her in.  Rightfully so as every day in Mommy at 33, 34, 35, etc. weeks is the best thing for baby.  After making the trek into Sunrise Hospital in Las Vegas twice and having labor stopped, the third time proved to be the "charm."  Even though I was taking the maximum dose of Procardia, a contraction stopping medicine, the contractions simply did not want to stop.  I actually did not even go into the hospital for contractions, but instead, went in for a moderate/severe pain at the top of my abdomen.  However, when they hooked me to the monitoring machine, my contractions were literally off the charts. 

My doctor came in and said that my body is trying to tell us something, and it's no longer safe to keep trying to stop contractions (as we've exhausted all of our resources), so it's time to have the c-section.  He expressed his concerns of my uterus rupturing, which would/could cause many complications for Mommy and baby.  He said the c-section would be at 7:30 a.m. the next morning. 

I was shocked.  I figured we would be in the same boat as we had been the two weeks previous, where they would stop the contractions and send us on our way.  In no way did I think that we actually would be leaving the hospital with a beautiful baby girl.  Overall, I kept my cool quite well, prayed a lot, and prepared myself mentally for the day ahead.  It's funny that you choose to get pregnant, know how the process works, and yet you can still be completely amazed/astonished by the process and the arrival of a new life.  I didn't sleep much through the night as I was anxious, nervous, excited, etc., but did manage to sleep between 2 and 4 a.m.  At 4:30 a.m.  I decided to get up and fix my make-up although my husband thought I was absolutely crazy.  :)  He continued to snore away until about 6 a.m.  When I finished my make-up, I caught up on the "Royal Wedding."  :)

Then, life changed.  Again.  And my overall perception of life took a hit too.  I walked into the operating room.  Yes, walked.  Hopped up on the table and waited for my epidural.  Then, the process began.  Armando sat next to me, holding my hand, as we waited for the first cry.  Seven minutes after the initial cut, the cry radiated through the operating room and silent tears slid down my face.  Olivia Grace was born right at 8 a.m.  I could hear the nurses calling out her length (17.75 inches) and weight (6.5 lbs.).  Because she was only 35 weeks and 3 days, it was standard to have the NICU team in on the delivery, and just as soon as they cleaned her off, they came over, let me kiss her and she was whisked away (with Daddy) to the NICU.  While Dr. Richter was making the initial cuts, he kept saying, "Thank God.  Thank God we are doing this right now."  Obviously, I was laying there thinking, "Can you please elaborate?"  And, then, he did.  My uterus had what is referred to as a "window."  Essentially my uterus was so thin that the doctor said he could see Olivia waving to him through it.  It turned out that given much longer my uterus most likely would have ruptured and Olivia and I would have been in a lot of turmoil, up to death.  This was just the beginning of a perception change.   

Then, life took that unexpected turn.  It turned out that Olivia needed the NICU team, although I had prayed many, many prayers to never have to experience the NICU again.  Her lung had a small hole in it, there was a chance of an infection, and due to the breathing complications, she struggled (would struggle) to eat.  Needless to say, initially, I was crushed.  To see your baby in the NICU and/or hospital at all, is simply like wearing your heart on your sleeve.  I cried many, many tears standing over her, watching her labored breathing, holding her and talking to doctors.  I was asked on more than one occasion, by family mostly, "how are you doing it?"  My response was simply, "I don't have a choice."  When faced with stress of that caliber it would be much easier to crawl under the bed and cry until it is over, but that is not going to solve anything.  Instead, I am still a mother of two, and a wife, and I had to let Olivia know that even when the going gets tough, I will always be there to take care of her.  I had to remind myself of this on occasion through the process, but with Armando's amazing love it was much easier. 

And, then, it also helps when life is put into perspective for you.  First, we were surrounded by amazing nurses and doctors.  People that truly care about people, and life, and work difficult hours and with difficult situations, to help people.  It is a beautiful thing to watch, as sometimes when you look at society, it may be easy to think that kindness and compassion have been lost.  Visit the NICU, that's certainly not the case.  Secondly, when I looked around the NICU, it was easy to see that Armando and I were blessed.  We had a little girl that came a bit too early and needed a little more time to develop.  She would leave the NICU with no long-term effects, and with a family to love and provide for her.  Some of the babies in there would have to have their parents called to come and get them, as the parent(s) had given up on them.  And the majority of the babies in the NICU were in there for months, needed open heart surgery (in our pod, as it was the cardiac pod), had many machines hooked to them to keep them alive, etc.  We met parents that had been so strong, and were so dedicated to their children.  We met parents that were as scared as we were.  We watched parents as they were admitted into the NICU, and as they were discharged.  I shed many tears for many families, that I did not even know. 

It was at times a painful chapter in our story, but the journey was certainly part of our story, and the reward was and is a blessing.  Olivia was called several things in the NICU:  sassy, a fighter, adorable, beautiful, etc.  She's already making a name for herself and I can't wait to continue this story with her.  This chapter has taught me so much and given me yet another perspective on life and what our priorities really should be/are.  We were surrounded by beautiful people - in the NICU, and outside (our family and friends).  While I can't say I'm going to miss the experience, it is as it was and has had a tremendous effect on who I am and how I view people and life.  When we think things are as bad as they can get and/or that we can't take the small things, we just need to stop and think of how things could be and what others are facing, and making it through. 

To everyone that showed their love and compassion to us through this time, I appreciate you more than you probably will ever know and I am grateful that you are part of our story. 

Enjoying the Moments

In a quiet, calm place I can sit back and look at the beauty of parenting without freaking out at all the “what if’s” to come. Instead of the heart-pounding, moment stopping stress moments, I see the tender moments: the moments of cuddling, simple “I love you lots and lots, forever and ever’s”, or the “Mom, you are the best’s.” The day-to-day routine of getting up, dressing, hairstyles, lunches being packed, running out the door, drop and go, pick-up and go, snacks, what’s for dinner, bath time and other misc. “agenda” items tend to consume each day and sometimes those tender moments seem to be few and far between and/or lost. Then, something great happens. The kids stop time, or at least it seems. They spring something on you that is so unexpected and so full of joy that you remember why you do this and why it’s so magical. And, why all those “what if’s” will work out and be superseded by beautiful, tender moments your whole life through.


In the car, on the way to Grammie and Papa’s house, I asked Aydon what he wanted to be when he grows up and he said, “An airplane driver.” Alina quickly followed that up with, “I’m going to be a seed planter and I’m going to fix pets.” Armando and I glanced at each other and for that moment we both felt that swell of our hearts, loving each other and the moment of confirmation that we are giving our children the seeds they need for success.

Or the moment in the middle of the night when Aydon is sneaking into our bed because he “saw monsters” and he climbs over me to get between Daddy and I, and in the process, he flashes me a huge grin.

Then, there are the many moments when Alina and Aydon ogle over Olivia and her arrival. Alina already has the morning hair schedule planned. “You will do my hair and I will do Olivia’s – at the same time.” She is so excited to share a room with baby Olivia and help take care of her and insists that, “brother will change the gross diapers.”

In the moments when they simply respond with “Okay!” when asked to do something, or the moments of excitement in regard to what they’ve learned at school that day (“Mommy! Did you know it’s Dr. Seuss’ birthday? And, he wrote The Cat and the Hat!), or the moments where I have assumed they are going to melt down and/or not behave and they surprise me with the best behavior ever. The freaking out subsides. The feeling of knowing it will all be alright fills my spirit, as I realize how many positive things we have aligned, and certainly working in our favor.

NHS Induction - 2010: Character

This is the speech I gave re: character at the 2010 NHS Induction. 

Congratulations on your achievements, which have given you the opportunity to be here tonight among the elite of Pahrump Valley High School.  Congratulations also to the parents and educators that have set the standards for you to rise to in order to become a person of integrity, diligence and character. 

According to Webster, character is defined as the aggregate of features and traits that form the individual nature of some person or thing.  Being here tonight sets the standard, or continues the standard, for your character.  While being inducted into the National Honor Society is an award for your character to this point, it is also an opportunity for you to continue setting standards, loftier goals and continuing on the road to success. 

Ultimately character is defined by a chain of actions/decisions made, that comprise you.  As Shaquille O'Neal said, "Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit.  You are what you repeatedly do." 

Tonight I hope that you are able to reflect on the standards/actions that you have set for yourself.  At days end, have you made all of the right choices?  Do you repeatedly do what represents excellence?  When you stumble, are you able to pick up and carry on with integrity?  More importantly, what are your actions and/or habits when no ones is looking?  When it comes to character it has been said, "Everyone tries to define this thing called 'Character.' It's not hard.  Character is doing what's right when nobody's looking." 

When nobody's looking.  Character is not based on who someone tells you to be, or what your friends and/or classmates think, but instead, it's about knowing what is right and following it.  It's about setting goals and achieving them, for you.  Only through stretching oneself can he/she find true self-worth. 

Tonight, I hope you make a commitment to yourself to make your actions and habits fulfill a life and legacy of excellence.  I hope you take your induction into the National Honor Society as a challenge to be a greater student, role model and person. 

Please always remember,  "Watch your thoughts, for they become words.  Watch your words, for they become actions.  Watch your actions, for they become habits.  Watch your habits, for they become your character.  Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny." 

Congratulations on your accomplishments thus far and for being an example as to what character is and should be. 

Random Thoughts

In the end, I'm going to hold baby Olivia in my arms, smell her new baby aroma, smile at my husband for what we have created, and fall in love, again. With tears in my eyes, I will introduce her to Alina and Aydon and at night we will all pray for another beautiful blessing in our family.
And what Mommy weighed will not be a thought. The tears Mommy cried for being "fat" will be forgotten. The beauty of our daughter, and our family will be at the forefront and the need to work a little harder, work out smarter and eat as healthy as ever will be worth it all.